Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
