you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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