I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
