It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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