You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
