We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
