PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
