I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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