Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
