chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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