Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
