remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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