we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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