I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
