Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
