I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
