Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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