Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
