U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Michael Bay diarrhea
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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