worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
