I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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