i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
