Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Randomize
