I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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