So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
