Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
