I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
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We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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