Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
