My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
