My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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