i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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