My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
