Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
