At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
