i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
