mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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