Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
