I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
