Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
