that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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