Don't make out with my wife yet
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize