well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
