a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
