I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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