Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
