Ambien. No doubt about it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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