I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
These tits shall not be calmed
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
