Did you just see the Batmobile???
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
