Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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