I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
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I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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