he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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