all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
