im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
