I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
