I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
