Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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