Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
