if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
They have beer where we have blood.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
