I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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