I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
