There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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