do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
