a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
