Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
