omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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