I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
