I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
