she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
