I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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