My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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