this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
