I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
