im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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