Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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